The playoffs are here. THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE! The worst part of this development is, of course, there is no more RedZone for a very long time, and that makes me sad. However, it does mean I’ll have more time on Sundays to catch up with my scrap booking. I’d also like to take a moment to say I’m sorry to all you folks who are fans of shitty teams, with shitty no coaches or general managers. Keep your chins up, Browns fan.
I’m betting every playoff game. I’ll either be the proud owner of new golf cart after these games, or I’ll be walking the course all year.
Bengals at Texans (Current Line : Texans -4.5)
This is a rematch from last year’s Wild Card round, and as much as I enjoy the majestic delivery of TJ Yates, I’m happy to see he’s not involved this time around. The Texans are no different from the Bears or the Giants, they just happened to show everyone how shitty they are a few weeks later.
The Bengals are like the red-headed kid you used to beat the shit out of in school, and then he decided he had had enough, so he either started lifting weights or committed suicide, and if he did the former, he ended up putting up a pretty good fight.
Vikings at Packers (Current Line : Packers -7.5)
Adrian Peterson will be our first zombie player. Honestly, think about it: his heart stops one day and the rest of his muscles are so strong that they don’t need an electrical signal from his brain to tell his hands to reach into his chest, grab his heart, and just start squeezing the fucker. He’ll be running down the field giving stiff-arms to defenders with his beating heart spraying blood in their faces. What a freak.
Remember last week when I said the Packers would win by double-digits? I was wrong then but I’m not now. I’m going to be at this game because somebody gave me a free ticket, and it’s on a Saturday, and the Broncos aren’t playing this weekend, and because Lambeau is a fun place to get drunk. The free ticket part, mostly though.
Colts at Ravens (Current Line : Ravens -7)
I was all set to bet the Colts here, and then Kakey Ray went and screwed it all up with his retirement crap. If the Colts want to regain their stranglehold on sentimentality, Jim Irsay is going to have to at least attempt suicide before Sunday.
Seahawks at Redskins (Current Line : Seahawks -3)
Here’s what happens: Russell Wilson and RGIII both get hurt in the first quarter, Matt Flynn and Kirk Cousins come in and light it the fuck up. Then, Matt Flynn gets a 27 million dollar contract from the Cardinals next year, and Cousins gets traded there also. THEN, Cousins takes Flynn’s job and Flynn then buys an NFL team with all his money so he can finally be a starter. The end.
I’d also like to give a shout-out to Gamboa’s doctor for not refilling his Seroquel prescription last week.