HFTE’s crew live blogs the BCS Championship game.
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Big Sloppy Well, um, I guess that’ll do it from HFTE Headquarters. Thanks for joining us tonight, sports fan(s?).
Big Sloppy That would have been awesome if McCarron tore his ACL when Jones shoved him.
Big Sloppy Yep. Just too many scripted catchphrases. He was one “brother” away from being Hulk Hogan. Punk was great though. They better get a great opponent for him for Mania. Maybe Taker.
Sarge: The Rock is a cartoon. Punk’s worked shoot before Rocky came out was brilliant, and and The Rock just destroyed all of that momentum.
Big Sloppy At this point, I would also be faking an injury to get out of this game.
Sweaty: This from Richard Deitsch
CNBC reporter. MT
@janewells Suspect someone from Disney called ESPN at half & said throttle back on McCarron gf. She’s been MIA 2nd half.
Big Sloppy Best in the World. Firmly on CM Punk’s side here. Unfortunately, he’ll be dropping the strap at Rumble, so Rock can have a title match at ‘Mania.
Sweaty: This game is finally starting to get competitive.
Sweaty: Look, Raw is starting in my timezone now. So we have the bookends of Raw with the last quarter of the game.
PolkPanther: IF YA SMEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL! 1999 me is marking out so hard for The Rock.
Sweaty: I wish Lacey Chabert would enter the game.
WWE is retarded.
Big Sloppy This game is taking longer than “The English Patient” and “Eyes Wide Shut” put together. In book form.
Sweaty: No, there are many EMT’s on site and they are well trained on how to deal with Lou mouth.
Reader “Bob” writes in:
Sweet setup here. Do you think that Lou Holtz would’ve really died if Notre Dame had been shutout?
Big Sloppy For those of you still alive, CM Punk is about to get interrupted by The Rock on RAW.
Sweaty: It’s that “let’s reach deep into our bag of tricks” desperation time for ND
Sweaty: Come on Irish! No, I mean come on, let’s go, it’s over, get on the buses.
PolkPanther: Just turned back to football in time to see Notre Dame throw up a hideous interception. That’s all for me, folks.
PolkPanther: How do they let these guys wear flak jackets? That’s like a performance-enhancing garment for them.
Big Sloppy Basically they’re like a new version of NWO, which has already been done 10 times since NWO. But I kinda like them.
Sarge: Oh, man. It’s a good thing The Shield made friends with the light operator before tonight’s match, otherwise their cover would’ve been totally blown.
Big Sloppy Oh it’s the Shield. Cheating bastards.
PolkPanther: Wat. Who. Wat.
PolkPanther: Hey what happened to Daniel Craig? I wanted to tell him I loved him in Harry Potter.
This is a good match. It kills me that the crowd is mostly too young for “EC-DUB” chants after that top-rope spot though.
Sweaty: I’m totally going to drop acid and live-blog it, kind of like that kid on Twitter did.
Big Sloppy And then New Jack would have smoked some crack with Sandman. ECDubs was the best.
PolkPanther: I like the fan saying “Hit him with a Gatorade!” If ECW was still around he would’ve a) done it and then b) used the fan’s mom’s barbed-wire bat. I miss ECW.
Daniel Craig: Raw comes on at like 2am for me.
Sweaty: I wish Raw wasn’t tape-delayed for me. I’ll be streaming it next week.
PolkPanther: To give you an idea of how long it’s been since I last watched RAW regularly, it was when they didn’t cut to commercial in the middle of a huge match.
PolkPanther: Love that spot with the steps. That Ryback’s got a great work rate for a big guy.
Daniel Craig: Cheers!
Big Sloppy Daniel Craig, everybody! A poor man’s Jason Statham.
Sweaty: Um, thank you, Daniel Craig.
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, O-K-U!
I’m a Sooner born
And a Sooner bred,
And when I die
I’ll be Sooner dead
Rah, Oklahoma! Rah, Oklahoma!
Rah, Oklahoma! O-K-U!
Big Sloppy Listen closely and you’ll hear the “Goldberg” chants. He’s super over with the crowd though.
PolkPanther: I haven’t watched wrasslin’ in a long time. Who’s Ryback? He looks like the result of Goldberg donating sperm to a lesbian couple.
Big Sloppy FEED ME MORE pigs in a blanket.
Big Sloppy No Rock yet. Punk Vs. Ryback in a TLC match that was supposed to happen last month. Punk had his knee scoped and had to put it off till tonight.
PolkPanther: [Immediately switches to RAW] Did the Rock come back yet? Wait, CM Punk is doing a Ladder match? And it’s not on PPV? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THIS?
Sweaty: Okay, Mister Worst James Bond Ever, you’re on!
Daniel Craig: But I was told I was going to be singing for you at halftime.
Big Sloppy Holy Shit Jon Gruden is at RAW.
Sweaty: No, 6 you fucking wanker. Get the hell outta here!
PolkPanther: This is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Oh hey, beauty queens.
Daniel Craig: 007?
Sweaty: Daniel, do you know how many points a touchdown is worth?
Big Sloppy Daniel Craig killed 5 hookers while at SMU
Sweaty: We are, Daniel. Perhaps you’d like to come back when we live-blog F1?
Daniel Craig: I don’t understand this bloody sport, I thought we were live-blogging football.
Big Sloppy I believe PARS is the one who keeps dropping by to comment on the general state of retardation of things.
Sweaty: Ladies and gentlemen, we have Daniel Craig joining us for halftime!
BronzeHammer: whos the idiot that keeps typing without using his name? is it morpheus
Sweaty: Tommy Rees is #1 in my NCAA QB Power Rankings.
Big Sloppy A 13″ color TV for 9? That’s crazy.
PolkPanther: This game blows. Watch this instead. (This was a real store)
Sweaty: Please put Rex Grossman’s son, Tommy Rees into the game.
Sweaty: I can’t wait for the offseason when Everett Golson can’t figure out how to negotiate a gate while meeting up with Manti Te’o to get baked.
This game is fucking retarded.
Sweaty: Oh, Big Momma’s House 2 on BET!
PolkPanther: This is bad, you guys.
I’m out of beer.
DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver: so we can we like finally come to a consensus about whether or not trinity is hot. i mean is she like a smoking hot sexy dude or what
Big Sloppy As entertaining as this game is, I would highly suggest doing a google image search for McCarrons’s girlfriend Katherine Webb. She’s a fan of bikinis.
Sweaty: Nick Saban should just let Notre Dame keep the ball. I’m fairly certain they want to run the clock down worse than Alabama.
Big Sloppy Horny ol’ Brent is still the highlight of the first half for me. Funny, I used to confuse him with Pat O’Brien when I was a kid. Turns out they aren’t so different.
PolkPanther: Seeing Jadeveon Clowney’s hit has been the best part of the game so far.
BronzeHammer: no jeff, im watching source code not the matrix. actually wait, which one is keanu reeves in? im watching that one. pretty sure it’s speed 2
PolkPanther: I can confirm that every living room in South Jersey looks EXACTLY like that wood-paneled den in the photo from Cinnaminson.
DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver: morpheus. hey morpheus i think i’m in the matrix now. morpheus is there a sbarro in the matrix
Sweaty: What those Discover Card commercials tell me, is that the customer service agents working for them are going to steal your identity.
PolkPanther: I had my dishwasher running during the first quarter, and now it’s over, and now Brent Musberger is SO FUCKING LOUD. Also that’s a big stop for Notre Dame.
Sweaty: I really miss Brent Musburger saying “Honey Badger” every five minutes.
PolkPanther: [puts tape over the HP logo on his computer]
[Writes "DELL" on tape]
[Crosses out "DELL"]
Sweaty: Nice to see that HP can’t even compete with the likes of Vizio when it comes to PC’s. HP is like the Notre Dame of computers.
PolkPanther: Was ESPN like, “Hey, instead of making 0,000 for a 15-second commercial, let’s tell everybody about RG3′s injury, because none of our viewers have Internet access”
Big Sloppy Good news: Ricky Steamboat is on RAW. Shitty news: Serving as Santino’s manager.
PolkPanther: Don’t blame Notre Dame for being unprepared. They usually have to study ECON on Monday nights.
Big Sloppy Te’o is a cornball Samoan. A real Samoan like Rikishi wouldn’t let something like this happen.
Sweaty: The altitude has really thrown ND off their game.
PolkPanther: Oooh, new American Pickers is on.
Big Sloppy I’m 50/50 between Raw and the game, so I could go either way…Oh wait, Heath Slater is on. I’d rather watch the blowout.
PolkPanther: Hey do you guys want to flip this into a RAW live blog? Or you want to get naked and fuck? What? No. NOOOO you misheard me. I said “get baked as fuck”.
Sweaty: It’s a good thing ND has an explosive offense.
Sweaty: Have you seen the women Leinart has been with, Brent? McCarron is already in rarefied air.
PolkPanther: Miami played for a national championship in this century? Huh.
BronzeHammer: hey im watching source code
Sweaty: Was Brent Musburger being a perv a square on the bingo card?
PolkPanther: Do you think Musberger touches Herbstreit in the booth? Like a jockular shoulder slap here, playful gut punch there? And then it goes a little too far and Herbie brushes him off, and then it gets awkward for the rest of the game?
Big Sloppy High comedy is living an hour away from South Bend and logging into Facebook right now…meanwhile, Brent Musburger just jizzed on the air.
PolkPanther: I feel like this is the part where the game devolves into slow-moving slogfest. Basically, it’s Monday Night Football.
Sweaty: I think this is the way any team at any level of athletic competition wants to avoid starting a game, Herbstreit.
PolkPanther: I’m willfully ignoring that fumble to note that Sun Life Pro Player Joe Robbie Landshark Stadium has really beautiful grass.
PolkPanther: Notre Dame really needs to score here. And on its next 15 possessions.
Sweaty: Oh, RGIII Gatorade commercial. “Greatness is taken” away from you by Mike Shanahan.
PolkPanther: I’m hoping Notre Dame was watching the Redskins-Seahawks game yesterday. Also, they should start praying for a rainstorm that destroys the turf.
Big Sloppy Brian Kelly is from Boston? Of course, why wouldn’t he be?
PolkPanther: How do you get lucky enough to meet a lady named Mrs. Sloppy? That’s a dream come true.
PolkPanther: More like Manti Te’ohwherethefuckareyou, amirite?
Big Sloppy I told Mrs. Sloppy earlier today I’d be live blogging the game tonight with friends. She went and got beer and made pigs in a blanket, thinking I meant real life friends. Like that would ever happen.
Sweaty: No halo rule in CFB means that ND will never win a BCS Championship.
PolkPanther: “Hey ref! Get off your knees! You’ll have a much better perspective on the game!”
Big Sloppy Hot woman-on-woman action over on RAW if you need commercial filler.
PolkPanther: How is that not control of the ball? He had a better grip on that than some handjobs I’ve had.
From football players.
From Notre Dame.
Big Sloppy “The team that makes the most mistakes might be the team that wins tonight.” And now it makes sense why Brian Kelly’s name isn’t coming up in NFL talks.
Sweaty: I hope ND loses in hopes that Mike Golic beats the shit out of Mike Greenberg on live TV/radio tomorrow morning.
[spends 5 minutes trying to get a picture of puppy wearing Alabama hat]
[dejectedly watches puppy chew on hat]
Only way Notre Dame comes back from this is bringing in the “HELLO” kid. Which would be great, so I can quit seeing that goddamned commercial.
Big Sloppy John Cena would have made that tackle…
PolkPanther: Notre Dame’s secondary showing they’re NFL-ready with that coverage. Any of them could start for the Philadelphia Eagles.
Sweaty: Somebody hacked our system. Oh wait, it’s just SubPARS.
This thing is fucking retarded.
Big Sloppy Ken Doll Rinaldi with the hard hitting questions.
PolkPanther: O/U was 8.5 on Te’o sloppy broadcaster blowjobs received. We’re already at 1.
Sweaty: Dan Snyder is not watching the game tonight because he hates college kids and healthy turf.
PolkPanther: I have to feel like Notre Dame had the easier time getting here beating USC in the BCS semifinals.
DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver: is there a sbarro in here
Big Sloppy Go home, DJJJW, you’re drunk.
Big Sloppy Notre Dame with the upset, 24-20. Ron Powlus wins MVP.
DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver: where am i
PolkPanther: I don’t want to destroy the mystique, but none of us really care about this game. We’re only doing the live blog to test out the system for bigger stuff like NHL opening night.
Sweaty: You don’t have to remove your headpiece during the anthem if you’re a member of the military, or a mascot.
PolkPanther: Great job by Fat Fleet Foxes on the anthem. LES PLAY BAWL.
Big Sloppy Catholics vs. Cousins, right guys?!11!
Big Sloppy Hey all! I’ll be stealing jokes from all the Facebook posts I saw today posted by my ND friends. Hope you don’t mind.
PolkPanther: Trent Richardson’s glasses are impressive. Did they show those to Chip Kelly? Alabama 62, Notre Dame 3.
Sweaty: John Cena toyed with A.J.’s emotions and she’s looking to get rev. . . Oh hi football fans!
PolkPanther here. I’m hard in the tank for Notre Dame, because somehow a bunch of Irish Catholics won in a competition of “who believes in Evolution more?”