Here at Heading for the Exits, we get a lot of letters from our crazy readers (luv u guyz!). Following our publication of the leaked Manti Te’o chat transcripts, and the corresponding surge in our readership, our mailbox overflowed with messages of joy, hope, love, despair, hatred, confusion, and horse meat recipes.

To the letters!

Subject: Manti Te’o

Hey, just wanted to say I really loved the Manti Te’o chat transcript. It was awesome and I bet the dude who wrote it never has any sex problems.

Warm Regards,

A Hot Chick Who Is Not DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver

Follow me on Twitter: @DJ_Jeff_Weaver

“Dance like no one is watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like no one is listening, live like it’s Heaven on Earth” – Gandhi

Subject: manti

u fukn looser u wish u could play footbal like manti and notre damme just sittign in ur underwear wrtiing for some looser blog i bet uve nevre even toucjhed a girl befor

Sincerely,

Tom Scocca

“Dance as though no one is watching, love as though you’ve never been hurt, sing as if no one is listening, live as though Heaven is on Earth” – Einstein

Subject: Love ur blog!

Hi Is this DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver? So I don’t normally do this kind of thing, but I really love this blog. Its hilarious! ur stuff makes me laugh so much. I bet ur cute. Do u have a pic? lets chat on twitter or something sometime.

-Amber

——-

Hey, thanks for your note! Glad you’re enjoying the blog. I don’t normally do this kind of thing either, but, hey, why not? My pic is attached. Hit me up on Twitter and let’s chat.

-DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver

——-

Hey Got ur pic. Ur cute! Gonna DM u on twitter now

-Amber

——-

Great talking to you…hey, do you have FaceTime or Skype? Would be great to put a face to the name.

-DJJJW

——-

Hey Wish I could facetime…my computer camera is broken :/ we can just chat some more

-Amber

——-

Sure, I totally understand! So great chatting with you…I feel like we’re really getting to know each other. I told the guys at work today that I have a girlfriend! lol.

-DJJJW

——-

lol! i guess u do hey i wrecked my car, do u have $9,000 that u could wire 2 me sweetie? wire transfer form is attached 2 this msg

-Amber

——-

Sure thing! Just sent it over. Hey do you have a pic you could send? Did you ever get your FaceTime camera fixed?

-DJJJW

 

Subject: Job inquiry

To Whom It May Concern:

As an experienced sportswriter, I feel as though I would be an extremely valuable addition to your staff. Please find my resume attached to this message.

Sincerely,

Jay Mariotti

sportzdood69@juno.com

 

Subject: Manti Te’o

Your obsession with the Manti Te’o story is pathetic. He’s a phenomenally talented player, and your shallow attempts to tear him down will ultimately fail. His compelling story is a beacon of light that shines across this great nation of ours. I hope you choke on a salamander.

Murray Chass

sportzdood69@prodigy.net