More Brands That Should Go Away

Last week, Hostess Brands Inc. filed a motion to liquidate with U.S. Bankruptcy Court*, which may very well mark the end of some of the most disgusting things that our parents may have crammed into our lunch pails such as Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread.  I may not be alone when I ask – who really wants to ingest baked “goods” that have the texture of a Michelin tire anyway? I say good riddance, Hostess! Here are some other brands that we’d all be better off without:

*Updated

Nobody likes using condoms, so just go ahead and leave us, Trojan. Hell, nobody even contracts AIDS from sex anymore, and everyone already has herpes and warts nowadays. Plus, we need more children on this planet to fill all of these available jobs.

The Florida Marlins have managed to enrage and alienate a city that has a rich history of not giving a shit about their sports teams. Good job, now be gone.

Holy Christ this stuff is bad! Worst canned meat and gravy combination that I have ever tasted.

When this brand goes away, Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith will hopefully go away too.

Take a hike, Ronco! Sorry hair-in-a-can users and food-dehydrating hippies.

Quit brain raping lost souls and stalking Katie Holmes. You have made enough money, time to wrap up operations.

I still haven’t been able to consume this garbage after eating their $5 box of crap, getting drunk and then having the worst case of simultaneous puking and shitting during the most brutal combination of hangover and food poisoning I have ever experienced. This was roughly 2 years ago and the thought of “Hot and Ready” still makes me ill.

I don’t care what’s happening in your life. I don’t care about your political views. I don’t care that you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don’t care about something you did that you can now cross off your “bucket list”. While we’re at it, can we get rid of that stupid term “bucket list”? It’s not a brand, but if it were, it would make this list.

Do you have any other brands that you’d like to see get fucked? Please share in the comments.

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8 Responses to More Brands That Should Go Away

  1. Michael Lee says:

    [adult swim] original scripted content. Stop the insanity already! Worse than MTV. Vulgarity sells I get it but why?! Hope this Blair Witch wannabe will just go away. I don’t get the niche market demographics. Why are they loving this crap?! Smart low income underemployed people soaking up toilet jokes. Yuck! And you wonder why they are wallowing!

  2. Mangini In A Bottle says:

    Ugh. The worst post-drinking shits I’ve ever had came after eating Little Caesar’s. I wish they would go back to their square pizza days of my childhood, when I had yet to shit what appeared to be the cardboard boxes that their $5 of “Hot and Ready” came in.

    Fuck those guys.

  3. Raysism says:

    Reebok.

  4. Sgt. Hammerclaw says:

    Airborne

    Airborne

    Did you know people still buy this shit, even after it’s been proven to be ineffective? The fact that one of it’s selling points was “Developed by a School Teacher,” and nobody stood up and said, “Shouldn’t nutritional supplements be developed by cat scientists?” is absurd.

    I was yelling at people in my office about this no less than 20 minutes ago. I want to stand next to the check out counter at Walgreens with a school bus in the parking lot. If I see somebody buy Airborne, they get a seat on the bus. When the bus is full, we’ll have it take them all to Roswell. We will repeat this cycle until all Airborne users have been transported to Roswell, where they will all join an ineffective cult and never be heard from again. This concludes the Airborne portion of my platform.

    “I’m Sgt. Hammerclaw, and I want to be your next cat president.”

    Hammerclaw 2016
    Cat President

  5. Erg says:

    +1 for the elimination of bucket lists.

    And Cialis. Those tubs have got to be uncomfortable and anyone married that long doesn’t need goo goo eyes to know something’s come up. Subtlety people, not sledge hammers.

  6. Rec Specs says:

    [crosses bucket list off of bucket list]

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