New Year’s Resolutions: Sgt. Hammerclaw


On January 1st of every new year, millions of people make resolutions that they will ultimately break on January 2nd. We at HFTE are no different. Over the next few days, we will each make our 2013 resolutions public.

Up now: Sgt. Hammerclaw

Oh, man. A moving truck that is loaded up with furniture and whatnot just drove past my house, and its back door was wide open. In retrospect, I should have looked to see what company it was, googled their number, and immediately called and made them aware of the situation. Instead, I just said, “Oh, shit! That’s not going to end well!” to myself and then stared out the window for a few more minutes while thinking about which nearby intersections are the most likely culprits for a furniture dump.

Now I’m angry. Not because I didn’t do the right thing when that truck drove by, but because it completely distracted me from what I was about to start off this post with. I definitely had something in mind, but I’ve completely lost it. Oh well. Now, instead of some marginally-humorous anecdote, you have a story about a moving truck.

I like to think of 2013 not as a year, but as an opportunity. An opportunity for me to do things. Here are some of the things that I’d like to do in 2013:

1. Stop thinking about moving trucks.

2. Remember to give DJJJW some Nicorette gum for his birthday.

3. Convince PolkPanther to do an infographic detailing the nation’s most likely intersections for moving trucks with open tailgates to accidentally drop their furniture.

4. Dust my house at some point.

5. Develop a method for streamlining the product flow through the closets and storage space in my home in order to achieve maximum efficiency.

6. Drink plenty of water.

7. Take down my Christmas tree.

8. Put up my Christmas tree.

9. Complete at least two more seasons in career mode of F1 2012 before I lose interest in the game.

10. Do other things, too.

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One Response to New Year’s Resolutions: Sgt. Hammerclaw

  1. Pledge Daisy says:

    Yo, speaking of the Chrismas tree, I couldn’t find any water in the livin room so I just emptied a couple of half-drank Coors Original I saw on the coffe table. By the way do u now why they call it the ‘Blanket beer’? Is it supposed to keep u warm or something? I mean I git that butt im just cheking

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