On January 1st of every new year, millions of people make resolutions that they will ultimately break on January 2nd. We at HFTE are no different. Over the next few
days weeks, we will each make our 2013 resolutions public.
Up now: Universal Enveloping Algebra.
[Ed.: I just found this. Totally forgot to post it. Jesus Christ, I'm a real piece of shit.]
It’s 2013! A new year means new beginnings, a fresh start, an opportunity to assess one’s life and commit to make changes. Listed below are the self-improvements I’d like to make. Wish me luck – you guys have to hold me accountable! [Ed.: I have no friends.]
Have a healthier diet [Ed.: I ate a salad on January 1. See #7]
Exercise three times a week, at least [Ed.: My skin may have fused with my computer chair. I may be an unlovable chair monster.]
Contribute more to the blog [Ed.: lol]
Read more books [Ed.: I actually can't read.]
Work harder at school [Ed.: Wonder if the semester's started yet.]
Stop doing that thing where I get really horny, and it’s like 4pm, and my girlfriend says “We can have sex tonight, but I’m busy right now,” so I let out a primal scream and go in the bathroom and masturbate furiously, and then I can’t get an erection at night
Stop eating cupfuls of pure sugar every night at 2am [Ed.: Is it really any worse than drinking a soda? It is? It's way worse? oh]
Write a long, hilarious dialogue joke involving the subject of a major upcoming sports scandal and the phrase ‘stop car’ for some reason, post link to joke at Deadspin, get tens of thousands of pageviews and the adoration of millions
9. Remain alive, in a technical, biological sense [Ed.: i long for the void]